Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Perfect moments

The last few years have seen a bunch of momentous moments in my life. Ordered in terms of emotional impact:
  • Getting my pilot's license/taking my wife flying for the first time
  • Getting married
  • Rebecca's birth
These were all pretty big deals. They each triggered a flood of different emotions which changed how I feel about myself and my life.

But in some ways, there's a purity to being up late at night, and being able to soothe Rebecca back to sleep when she wakes up crying. It's relaxing, satisfying and comfortable. There's a sense of singular purpose, and there's never anything I'd rather be doing or somewhere else I'd rather be. It can wait. Rebecca needs to be comforted.

To be someone she trusts so implicitly is gratifying. When she settles, I feel like a hero, in my own little way. It's something which I feel like an expert at. Sure, other people may be as good at it (Madeleine, obviously), but you can easily imagine that no one could be better.

In that moment I can take a deep breath, feel Rebecca's heartbeat and warmth on my chest, and believe that I (can be / am being / will continue to be) a good father. Nothing makes me feel so secure.

The same secure feeling I remember getting when cuddled by my parents when I was younger and the world seemed so big.

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