Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The most common question

These days, I hear a lot of questions about my feelings on returning to work (naturally). The big day - December 11th, is fast approaching, even though it might seem otherwise.
I think my feelings are pretty typical - completely divided!
Of course, I am happy about the prospect of engaging in the grown-up world and reconnecting with my career. I am excited by the idea of new projects and challenges, and looking forward to seeing my coworkers again. I am curious about the latest development in the workplace and in my field.
But, I know this all means leaving my Rebecca behind. Happily, I will be leaving her with her Daddy, so I won't have to worry about her being loved and cuddled enough during the day. Nevertheless, now I worry that I won't make the best use of the time I have left, or that I've wasted the time I've had. I worry that it will be unbearably painful to be separated from her, and that my work life will not be able to make it endurable, or that I won't be able to perform well in my career because I'd rather be elsewhere. I worry that she won't be as close to me, and that I will miss out on lots of important moments. Of course I will miss some important moments - it would be illogical to believe otherwise. But at least my spouse will be there to witness them and relate them to me.
I guess this is maybe a little taste of what Greg sometimes feels like right now. I am sure that it is just as hard to be a working daddy as to be a working mommy, but I'm not convinced men always get credit for the emotional toll it must make on them.
At least my return to work is just before Christmas, so I have a more gentle return to the working world, and I can look forward to some special days with Becca.

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