Rebecca seems to have really gotten into singing along with her bedtime songs.
She can nail the first couple words of each phrase, with various word like sounds incorporating many correct consonant sounds for the rest.
Something like:
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
How a munder war uaaaah
Up Above lalurd so aye
Like a dimoh ima tie.
etc. etc.
The cool part is that she is often in tune, and is definitely getting the rhythm correct.
Also, during the day, when doing her 'flashdance' dancing (also known as the 'Snoopy dance') she has started to keep passable rhythm with her feet.
Hooray!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Sleeping Beauty
Lucy is a good sleeper!!!I feel like I've won the lottery - this is not the kind of baby experience I am accustomed to...
The blessed appliance
I love my sterilizer. I love my sterilizer. I love my sterilizer.When I had Rebecca, I spent a lot of time sterilizing pump parts and bottle parts. I did so by watching all items, then placing them in boiling water in my pasta pot. It was a long process, used a lot of water, and was not safe to do around babies.
This time, I purchased an electric sterilizer (did not want to go for a cheaper microwave sterilizer out of safety concerns). It is fantastic!!! It only takes 6 minutes to sterilize items - and believe me, time is my most precious and rare resource.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Nice experience with Rebecca
Rebecca continues to adjust to our new situation at home. This means that some days can be very challenging, and have moments of frustration for everyone. That's not to say that there aren't happy times, or funny things that happen - for example, Becca has decided that Lucy's bathtub is a boat, and she likes to sail it on the living room floor. It just means that sometimes, as the end of the day approaches, you can feel a bit worn down, or as though your parenting skills leave something to be desired.
I was in that sort of headspace by the time supper rolled around. When you're tired, and not at your best physically, it is very easy to slip into auto-pilot. Rebecca wanted to help me cut raw chicken and work with hot oil, but I didn't let her. I explained the reason why, and I asked her many times to return the chair to the dining room (she brings a chair into the kitchen when she wants to help). Instead, I could have given her something fake but amusing to do in lieu of really helping, but I just couldn't manage to think creatively. I felt crappy about it afterwards - it's difficult to know how best to handle her behaviour lately in general, so the little simple moments (by contrast) shouldn't be as challenging as I think they are. I feel like I need to be careful that I maintain the structure and discipline she needs (and ultimately will contribute to easing her insecurity by making things predictable for her), and helping her cope with the emotional upheval of Lucy's arrival. I want to comfort her, but I want to help her effectively as well. It's tricky. She has spent a lot of time just cuddling and lounging and wanting special attention. I do my best to give it to her, but I know there will be times when I will have to forgo her requests in order to respond to Lucy's needs. I want her to be resilient enough to handle that. At any rate, with all these thoughts bouncing through my head, the last thing I expected was a wrinkle-free evening with Becca. She was just easygoing, joyful and affectionate. After her bath, I had dressed her in her bathrobe, and was carrying her to her room, and she hugged me and told me she was happy. Then, when we got to the change table, she gave me an endlessly long, unsolicited kiss, and then when that kiss was over, she put her hands on the sides of my face and gave me another big kiss. We read stories, sang songs, cuddled, and then she went to sleep. So maybe things are going better than I thought.
I was in that sort of headspace by the time supper rolled around. When you're tired, and not at your best physically, it is very easy to slip into auto-pilot. Rebecca wanted to help me cut raw chicken and work with hot oil, but I didn't let her. I explained the reason why, and I asked her many times to return the chair to the dining room (she brings a chair into the kitchen when she wants to help). Instead, I could have given her something fake but amusing to do in lieu of really helping, but I just couldn't manage to think creatively. I felt crappy about it afterwards - it's difficult to know how best to handle her behaviour lately in general, so the little simple moments (by contrast) shouldn't be as challenging as I think they are. I feel like I need to be careful that I maintain the structure and discipline she needs (and ultimately will contribute to easing her insecurity by making things predictable for her), and helping her cope with the emotional upheval of Lucy's arrival. I want to comfort her, but I want to help her effectively as well. It's tricky. She has spent a lot of time just cuddling and lounging and wanting special attention. I do my best to give it to her, but I know there will be times when I will have to forgo her requests in order to respond to Lucy's needs. I want her to be resilient enough to handle that. At any rate, with all these thoughts bouncing through my head, the last thing I expected was a wrinkle-free evening with Becca. She was just easygoing, joyful and affectionate. After her bath, I had dressed her in her bathrobe, and was carrying her to her room, and she hugged me and told me she was happy. Then, when we got to the change table, she gave me an endlessly long, unsolicited kiss, and then when that kiss was over, she put her hands on the sides of my face and gave me another big kiss. We read stories, sang songs, cuddled, and then she went to sleep. So maybe things are going better than I thought.
10 days old: Second trip to see the doctor
Lucy's first trip to see the doctor was two days after we were discharged from the hospital. All was well. Today, was the second trip. Lucy is 10 days old today!!!
Lucy's birth weight was 7lbs, 12oz. Lucy's weight when we left the hospital was 7lsb, 8oz. And today, her weight is 8lbs, 2oz!!! No need to worry about regaining her birth weight by the end of two weeks.
I feel as though we are really getting spoiled with Lucy - everything has been so easy. She sleeps exceptionally well (albeit the longest stretches are during the daytime), she has a fantastic appetite, she burps herself half the time, she doesn't cry much, she is cuddly, and she hasn't had any of the pesky little problems Rebecca ran into during her first month of life (like the infected tear ducts).
In a way, it's too bad, because I agreed to participate in a research study on costs incurred by mothers of new babies in the first 6 weeks post delivery. For Rebecca, the first six weeks included all manner of equipment rentals, lactation consultant hirings, prescription medications and so on. Lucy has been smooth sailing so far. But anyway, data is data, and there is still some value to the information I have been recording.
Lucy's birth weight was 7lbs, 12oz. Lucy's weight when we left the hospital was 7lsb, 8oz. And today, her weight is 8lbs, 2oz!!! No need to worry about regaining her birth weight by the end of two weeks.
I feel as though we are really getting spoiled with Lucy - everything has been so easy. She sleeps exceptionally well (albeit the longest stretches are during the daytime), she has a fantastic appetite, she burps herself half the time, she doesn't cry much, she is cuddly, and she hasn't had any of the pesky little problems Rebecca ran into during her first month of life (like the infected tear ducts).
In a way, it's too bad, because I agreed to participate in a research study on costs incurred by mothers of new babies in the first 6 weeks post delivery. For Rebecca, the first six weeks included all manner of equipment rentals, lactation consultant hirings, prescription medications and so on. Lucy has been smooth sailing so far. But anyway, data is data, and there is still some value to the information I have been recording.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Saturday, April 12th, 2008: morning
I thought I knew what kind of a day it was going to be.It was going to be a "clean pee off the floor while Greg's at work"/"chase naked toddler through the house" kind of day.
Boy, was I wrong...
Lucy - shortly after delivery
She looked almost exactly like Rebecca, except that she wasn't wrinkly or exceedingly bruised. Plus, she has big chipmunk cheeks.
Me - post-delivery
Unlike my last delivery, this delivery took place during a sensible time frame. My water broke just after I woke up (around 7:30am or so), and I delivered Lucy at 10:20pm. Also, labour that lasts less than twelve hours, is always appreciated. :)
Breastfeeding attempt #2
Something became crystal clear to me when Lucy was born - prematurity played the biggest role in Rebecca's breastfeeding troubles. The difference could not be more clear. Lucy knew *exactly* what she was doing from her first attempt, and never gave me a single problem. So - it was never really about my surgery scars after all. Lucy clearly had a voracious appetite, a perfect latching technique, and an alertness that we didn't see in Rebecca until at least a month after her birth.
Anyhow, I was pretty delighted by this turn of events, especially since I had promised myself to have no expectations either way. I wanted to make sure that I didn't put myself through the mental and physical hell of my previous experience.
One of the nicest surprises was that full term babies are not forced to be woken to feed every two hours. This meant I got more sleep, and was more relaxed. I didn't have to supplement Lucy's food, and I wasn't hitched to an industrial strength pump. I did have a bit of nipple damage, but not too much.
Everything was going perfectly until... the milk came in. The day after Lucy's first doctor's appointment (where I had said breastfeeding was proceeding marvelously), I woke up with severe engorgement. This is normal when milk comes in. However, given my already ample endowment yet nipples not resembling those of a porn star or National Geographic feature, this created troubles for Lucy. I suppose it flattened things out too much to permit proper latch. She was frantically hungry, and made attempt after attempt to feed - but was clearly frustrated. She kept trying, then removing herself, then trying again. I let her try for a very long time - by the time I admitted that she would be unable to feed, I don't think there was any skin left and I was bleeding. So - we opened up a can of formula and Lucy was able to satiate her hunger. Unfortunately, given the fact that I had let Lucy damage me, allowing her to attempt again, while still engorged and unhealed, was not a winning strategy. I hauled out my old manual pump, and began the process of trying to fix the situation. This is the fourth day since the engorgement, and I am only now starting to see it dissipate.
Given that I have been down the road of breastfeeding suffering before, I decided a few things. One, I would not use nipple shields again. Two, I would not rent a hospital grade pump again. Three, I would not hire lactation consultants again. The problem was quite obvious - and, unlikely to be fixed (in my opinion). Lucy had already received a great deal of benefit from colostrum, so I felt that had at least achieved something. I was not prepared to put my sanity on the line again, especially with two little ones to care for. And, to boot, I could easily see a recurrence of my Reynaud's nipple problems or nipple infections like last time. I decided that I would continue to pump in order to relieve engorgement, but would being the process of gradually weaning. This was a hard decision, but not as hard as the first time. There were tears, but I had the loving support of my wonderful husband, so that helped a great deal. The most important thing is to forgive yourself - even better, not to believe you have to forgive yourself in the first place. Feeding the baby is only a small part of what a Mom has to offer - and it's not the most important part (as I discovered with Rebecca). It's hard not to buy into the hype and propaganda when your brain is undergoing hormonal chaos and sleep deprivation, but it's so critical to keep the big picture in mind. To have things go awry after such a perfect beginning seemed cruel, but I have decided to put my faith in my own wisdom on these matters. While it worked, it was lovely to be able to do - and I will keep those memories. That being said, finding good advice on how to wean from the state I was in was not easy to find - however, after some internet digging, I came across some instructions that were very useful. This has been my strategy so far, and it is working quite well:
1 - Continue to use painkillers to ease the pain of engorgement (I was already taking them for my stitch discomfort, so this was easy - obviously anti-inflammatories are helpful)
2 - Use ice to help alleviate discomfort (I use a "magic bag" that I keep in the freezer)
3 - Massage sore areas to help milk let-down
4 - Manually pump, only as much as is needed to relieve pain, and then very gradually eliminate pumping sessions (i.e. one session is eliminated every few days)
5 - Apply refrigerated cabbage leaves (it sounds bizarre but it works wonders and is a very well-documented approach)
6 - Don't wear anything with an underwire, and make sure what you do wear breathes easily and is not too constricting
Anyhow, I was pretty delighted by this turn of events, especially since I had promised myself to have no expectations either way. I wanted to make sure that I didn't put myself through the mental and physical hell of my previous experience.
One of the nicest surprises was that full term babies are not forced to be woken to feed every two hours. This meant I got more sleep, and was more relaxed. I didn't have to supplement Lucy's food, and I wasn't hitched to an industrial strength pump. I did have a bit of nipple damage, but not too much.
Everything was going perfectly until... the milk came in. The day after Lucy's first doctor's appointment (where I had said breastfeeding was proceeding marvelously), I woke up with severe engorgement. This is normal when milk comes in. However, given my already ample endowment yet nipples not resembling those of a porn star or National Geographic feature, this created troubles for Lucy. I suppose it flattened things out too much to permit proper latch. She was frantically hungry, and made attempt after attempt to feed - but was clearly frustrated. She kept trying, then removing herself, then trying again. I let her try for a very long time - by the time I admitted that she would be unable to feed, I don't think there was any skin left and I was bleeding. So - we opened up a can of formula and Lucy was able to satiate her hunger. Unfortunately, given the fact that I had let Lucy damage me, allowing her to attempt again, while still engorged and unhealed, was not a winning strategy. I hauled out my old manual pump, and began the process of trying to fix the situation. This is the fourth day since the engorgement, and I am only now starting to see it dissipate.
Given that I have been down the road of breastfeeding suffering before, I decided a few things. One, I would not use nipple shields again. Two, I would not rent a hospital grade pump again. Three, I would not hire lactation consultants again. The problem was quite obvious - and, unlikely to be fixed (in my opinion). Lucy had already received a great deal of benefit from colostrum, so I felt that had at least achieved something. I was not prepared to put my sanity on the line again, especially with two little ones to care for. And, to boot, I could easily see a recurrence of my Reynaud's nipple problems or nipple infections like last time. I decided that I would continue to pump in order to relieve engorgement, but would being the process of gradually weaning. This was a hard decision, but not as hard as the first time. There were tears, but I had the loving support of my wonderful husband, so that helped a great deal. The most important thing is to forgive yourself - even better, not to believe you have to forgive yourself in the first place. Feeding the baby is only a small part of what a Mom has to offer - and it's not the most important part (as I discovered with Rebecca). It's hard not to buy into the hype and propaganda when your brain is undergoing hormonal chaos and sleep deprivation, but it's so critical to keep the big picture in mind. To have things go awry after such a perfect beginning seemed cruel, but I have decided to put my faith in my own wisdom on these matters. While it worked, it was lovely to be able to do - and I will keep those memories. That being said, finding good advice on how to wean from the state I was in was not easy to find - however, after some internet digging, I came across some instructions that were very useful. This has been my strategy so far, and it is working quite well:
1 - Continue to use painkillers to ease the pain of engorgement (I was already taking them for my stitch discomfort, so this was easy - obviously anti-inflammatories are helpful)
2 - Use ice to help alleviate discomfort (I use a "magic bag" that I keep in the freezer)
3 - Massage sore areas to help milk let-down
4 - Manually pump, only as much as is needed to relieve pain, and then very gradually eliminate pumping sessions (i.e. one session is eliminated every few days)
5 - Apply refrigerated cabbage leaves (it sounds bizarre but it works wonders and is a very well-documented approach)
6 - Don't wear anything with an underwire, and make sure what you do wear breathes easily and is not too constricting
Delivery 1 versus Delivery 2
These are the things that are different between a first and second delivery. I wanted to write them down because there were some surprises for me:
1 - Labour is a lot shorter for a second delivery, especially the pushing stage (hooray!)
2 - Because the pushing part goes faster, it can mean more lacerations than a first delivery (unhooray!)
3 - The really brutal thing about a second delivery is the after pains. The contractions that occur for three or four days following the delivery are as brutal as some of the contractions near the end of labour, and can actually recreate the sensations you experienced. For example, I had a revisitation of my nausea and actually had to run to the bathroom after feeding Lucy because I was ready to throw up. These pains peak during each breastfeeding session, and then dissipate. They can be so painful that the nurses will actually offer you morphine. I almost had some, but managed to grit my teeth through until they were more manageable. I don't know why it is - but generally, women barely feel the after pains after a first delivery. (unhooray!)
4 - Managing a new baby the second time around is much less stressful, and you feel more confident (hooray!)
1 - Labour is a lot shorter for a second delivery, especially the pushing stage (hooray!)
2 - Because the pushing part goes faster, it can mean more lacerations than a first delivery (unhooray!)
3 - The really brutal thing about a second delivery is the after pains. The contractions that occur for three or four days following the delivery are as brutal as some of the contractions near the end of labour, and can actually recreate the sensations you experienced. For example, I had a revisitation of my nausea and actually had to run to the bathroom after feeding Lucy because I was ready to throw up. These pains peak during each breastfeeding session, and then dissipate. They can be so painful that the nurses will actually offer you morphine. I almost had some, but managed to grit my teeth through until they were more manageable. I don't know why it is - but generally, women barely feel the after pains after a first delivery. (unhooray!)
4 - Managing a new baby the second time around is much less stressful, and you feel more confident (hooray!)
Friday, April 18, 2008
My version of Lucy's big day
A little bit of Rashomon for our devoted readers...
I was dreading the weekend - Greg had commitments (work and otherwise) that spanned five days, and I honestly didn't think I could physically endure toddler-wrangling in my physical state for all that time. I was desperately uncomfortable and in my heart of hearts hoped that the baby would come on the weekend. After all, it would be easier for me, and most convenient for everyone involved. It seems as though Lucy heard my unspoken prayers.
That Saturday morning - April 12th, Greg got up early to get ready for an 8am shift at work. We had had a roughish night with Rebecca, and when we opened up her door to check on her, we discovered she was buck naked on top of her sheets. I broke my water when I went for my morning pee. It was a medium gush - not like the huge volume involved with breaking my water for Rebecca, but nor was it a simple trickle. Because I had just woken up, and because I went pee, I wasn't 100% certain right away. However, since the fluid is regenerated and continues to leak, it was soon apparent what was going on. I felt overwhelmingly excited and and relieved. I was able to stop Greg from leaving the house, and we began to get things rolling. Unfortunately, I did manage to go through multiple pairs of pants before making it to the hospital - despite my best efforts to contain the flow of fluid. It is a very odd feeling because the liquid is so warm. My parents came over to look after Rebecca - and we all had breakfast together. My sister was also able to make it - which may or may not have been possible on a different day. The procedures were the same as for Rebecca - we called obstetric triage and were told to come in. Since I was not in labour, it was felt that I would probably be sent home again, but all the same, they needed to have a look at my situation. My father drove us all to the hospital. Once at the hospital, I handed over my prenatal records - which unfortunately lacked the Group B strep results. Fortunately, they were able to track them down - and I was negative again. They verified that I really had broken my water by testing a fluid sample. There was a lot of waiting involved, and I spilled enough fluid to soak even more clothing, which was awkward and uncomfortable. I was hooked up to several monitors - for blood pressure, fetal heart rate, and contractions. Lucy was doing great, but as for me, my blood pressure was high. They asked me about this, and I described the blood and urine tests from Wednesday. Although I gave them the name of the lab, they were unable to track down the results, and I was told I would have to give samples again. I thought they were going to let me go, but one of the nurses was concerned about my pre-eclampsia, and also thought the monitor showed mild contractions (this was true), so they decided to take me to a delivery room.
We settled into the room, and I was told someone would come by to take the needed blood samples. At the same time, they would hook me up to an IV in order to eventually enable the delivery of pitocin for induction. I believe this was due to the blood pressure issue. It took four attempts for the nurses to get the right vein - I was surprised because I have been told I have good veins and I have never encountered this problem previously. My hands and wrists are still covered in bruises to this day. The administration of the pitocin certainly moved things along, and every half hour, someone would come by to jack up the dose. I think the pitocin started at 1pm or so. Eventually, the pain was excruciating enough so as to be incapacitating. However, because I find the dilation examination to be infinitely worse than bad contractions, I held out on pain relief for as long as I could. The magic number was 6pm. If I could make it to 6pm, I would probably be dilated enough that I could be given an epidural and the pain would go away. I wanted at all costs to avoid more than one unmedicated dilation check. I don't really know why they cause me so much pain, but they do! When 6pm arrived, I was in tears and incapable of much else. I felt as though I was in a tunnel where the world had shrunk into just myself and the pain. No means of comfort seemed effective. I was given nitronox to undergo the dilation check - and it was agony all the same. I felt terrible for all the crying and protests of pain, but... I was 3cm and they took pity on me (before, they said they would wait until 4cm for an epidural) and sent the anesthesiologist. At this point, the contractions were brutal, with Lucy kicking in between them! What was worse, was that they had to make four different attempts to get the epidural needle properly inserted. The bruises on my back make the ones on my hands look pleasant. Once the pain relief took effect, I felt that I had my personality back, and that I might actually be able to interact with people and enjoy the delivery. After that point, the labour progressed very quickly (especially compared to my experience with Rebecca). Before I knew it - we were at the pushing stage. As we approached this point, I began to have uncontrollable shakes, and I felt very nauseous. The shakes continued for quite some time, but, with some controlled breathing, they eventually subsided. The pushing stage only took 45 minutes this time, and unlike Rebecca, Lucy never slipped back, and I never needed oxygen. Lucy's head was not properly oriented, and she had to be shift somewhat, but that went fairly smoothly. Near the final pushes, I threw up nine times in quick succession. It was fairly projectile, and I nailed poor Greg. I felt a lot better afterwards, and I was able to push more effectively - holding my breath was easier when I no longer felt I was inhabiting the edge of puking. The doctor (not my OB - he was out of town) asked Greg whether he wanted to cut the cord. Greg said he would, then, as the baby's head emerged, I saw the doctor snipping at something. I figured the something was me, but then, after the last push, they whisked the baby away. And it was silent. I didn't understand what was going on - but I knew I should be hearing a baby crying. I asked Greg, but he didn't know or he didn't answer, I don't know which. I couldn't see full details across the room because I didn't have my glasses on, but I saw them squeezing an air bag into the baby. By them I mean the sudden crowd of people who had appeared out of nowhere. Then, I heard the baby - and Greg cried, so I knew it was o.k. An alarm went off, but they stopped it. While Greg and Elizabeth were able to go look at the baby, I lay on the bed delivering the placenta. Eventually I got to hold Lucy - but it seemed like I had to wait forever. She was incredibly alert, and immediately breast fed like a pro. She also looked properly flabby and very healthy - not too bruised. The contrast to my premature Rebecca was really quite astounding. I was stitched up, washed off, and wheeled away with Greg and Lucy - and that is my version of the big day.
I was dreading the weekend - Greg had commitments (work and otherwise) that spanned five days, and I honestly didn't think I could physically endure toddler-wrangling in my physical state for all that time. I was desperately uncomfortable and in my heart of hearts hoped that the baby would come on the weekend. After all, it would be easier for me, and most convenient for everyone involved. It seems as though Lucy heard my unspoken prayers.
That Saturday morning - April 12th, Greg got up early to get ready for an 8am shift at work. We had had a roughish night with Rebecca, and when we opened up her door to check on her, we discovered she was buck naked on top of her sheets. I broke my water when I went for my morning pee. It was a medium gush - not like the huge volume involved with breaking my water for Rebecca, but nor was it a simple trickle. Because I had just woken up, and because I went pee, I wasn't 100% certain right away. However, since the fluid is regenerated and continues to leak, it was soon apparent what was going on. I felt overwhelmingly excited and and relieved. I was able to stop Greg from leaving the house, and we began to get things rolling. Unfortunately, I did manage to go through multiple pairs of pants before making it to the hospital - despite my best efforts to contain the flow of fluid. It is a very odd feeling because the liquid is so warm. My parents came over to look after Rebecca - and we all had breakfast together. My sister was also able to make it - which may or may not have been possible on a different day. The procedures were the same as for Rebecca - we called obstetric triage and were told to come in. Since I was not in labour, it was felt that I would probably be sent home again, but all the same, they needed to have a look at my situation. My father drove us all to the hospital. Once at the hospital, I handed over my prenatal records - which unfortunately lacked the Group B strep results. Fortunately, they were able to track them down - and I was negative again. They verified that I really had broken my water by testing a fluid sample. There was a lot of waiting involved, and I spilled enough fluid to soak even more clothing, which was awkward and uncomfortable. I was hooked up to several monitors - for blood pressure, fetal heart rate, and contractions. Lucy was doing great, but as for me, my blood pressure was high. They asked me about this, and I described the blood and urine tests from Wednesday. Although I gave them the name of the lab, they were unable to track down the results, and I was told I would have to give samples again. I thought they were going to let me go, but one of the nurses was concerned about my pre-eclampsia, and also thought the monitor showed mild contractions (this was true), so they decided to take me to a delivery room.
We settled into the room, and I was told someone would come by to take the needed blood samples. At the same time, they would hook me up to an IV in order to eventually enable the delivery of pitocin for induction. I believe this was due to the blood pressure issue. It took four attempts for the nurses to get the right vein - I was surprised because I have been told I have good veins and I have never encountered this problem previously. My hands and wrists are still covered in bruises to this day. The administration of the pitocin certainly moved things along, and every half hour, someone would come by to jack up the dose. I think the pitocin started at 1pm or so. Eventually, the pain was excruciating enough so as to be incapacitating. However, because I find the dilation examination to be infinitely worse than bad contractions, I held out on pain relief for as long as I could. The magic number was 6pm. If I could make it to 6pm, I would probably be dilated enough that I could be given an epidural and the pain would go away. I wanted at all costs to avoid more than one unmedicated dilation check. I don't really know why they cause me so much pain, but they do! When 6pm arrived, I was in tears and incapable of much else. I felt as though I was in a tunnel where the world had shrunk into just myself and the pain. No means of comfort seemed effective. I was given nitronox to undergo the dilation check - and it was agony all the same. I felt terrible for all the crying and protests of pain, but... I was 3cm and they took pity on me (before, they said they would wait until 4cm for an epidural) and sent the anesthesiologist. At this point, the contractions were brutal, with Lucy kicking in between them! What was worse, was that they had to make four different attempts to get the epidural needle properly inserted. The bruises on my back make the ones on my hands look pleasant. Once the pain relief took effect, I felt that I had my personality back, and that I might actually be able to interact with people and enjoy the delivery. After that point, the labour progressed very quickly (especially compared to my experience with Rebecca). Before I knew it - we were at the pushing stage. As we approached this point, I began to have uncontrollable shakes, and I felt very nauseous. The shakes continued for quite some time, but, with some controlled breathing, they eventually subsided. The pushing stage only took 45 minutes this time, and unlike Rebecca, Lucy never slipped back, and I never needed oxygen. Lucy's head was not properly oriented, and she had to be shift somewhat, but that went fairly smoothly. Near the final pushes, I threw up nine times in quick succession. It was fairly projectile, and I nailed poor Greg. I felt a lot better afterwards, and I was able to push more effectively - holding my breath was easier when I no longer felt I was inhabiting the edge of puking. The doctor (not my OB - he was out of town) asked Greg whether he wanted to cut the cord. Greg said he would, then, as the baby's head emerged, I saw the doctor snipping at something. I figured the something was me, but then, after the last push, they whisked the baby away. And it was silent. I didn't understand what was going on - but I knew I should be hearing a baby crying. I asked Greg, but he didn't know or he didn't answer, I don't know which. I couldn't see full details across the room because I didn't have my glasses on, but I saw them squeezing an air bag into the baby. By them I mean the sudden crowd of people who had appeared out of nowhere. Then, I heard the baby - and Greg cried, so I knew it was o.k. An alarm went off, but they stopped it. While Greg and Elizabeth were able to go look at the baby, I lay on the bed delivering the placenta. Eventually I got to hold Lucy - but it seemed like I had to wait forever. She was incredibly alert, and immediately breast fed like a pro. She also looked properly flabby and very healthy - not too bruised. The contrast to my premature Rebecca was really quite astounding. I was stitched up, washed off, and wheeled away with Greg and Lucy - and that is my version of the big day.
Alligator baby
I just want to sing the praises of "Alligator Baby" by Robert Munsch. Rebecca makes me read this book to her at least twice a day. She seems to have already memorized it, and it literally makes her shriek with delight. We have other Munsch works in our library, but this one is currently her favourite - it was a present from her Nanny while we were at the hospital acquiring Lucy.
Adjusting to big sisterhood
The transition from only child to big sister is not easy... I was concerned that the experience might be difficult for Rebecca, so during my pregnancy, I spent time researching approaches for minimizing or soothing any feelings of resentment, jealousy or displacement.
I made sure that when we came home from the hospital, the new baby had a present for Rebecca, and that Rebecca's first view of me after several days absence was not one of me clutching a small usurper. The gift from Lucy worked almost too well - Rebecca was so thrilled to receive it, that she ignored Lucy completely. Over the next few days, she began to become curious, and at this point she is curious and affectionate. She gives Lucy lots of kisses and hugs, and is interested in watching her. One thing I didn't expect, was that Rebecca would find it very distressing to hear Lucy cry - she becomes concerned that Lucy is sad or that something is wrong - she tries to make Lucy happy again, and that empathy is very touching to see. Sometimes Rebecca herself will start crying or she will pretend to cry. At these times, I try to comfort her, and explain that crying is Lucy's only means of communication, and that for Lucy - crying can mean many different things. Hopefully, with enough repetition and exposure, Rebecca will come to understand this better.
We have seen a bit of reversion behaviour - Rebecca tried to sleep in the Moses basket, and also attempted to drink from Lucy's bottles, sit in her car seat, and climb into her stroller.
I think Rebecca missed us while we were in the hospital, but was so thrilled to be spending time with her grandparents, that she wasn't too terribly distraught. However, the fact that Lucy was with us to stay only really seemed to hit home one night when we sat down to supper and I was feeding Lucy at the table. Since then, there has been some weirdly contradictory behaviour - asking for one thing and then being angry to get it, and a lot of drama. Her normal extraversion seems to have switched to shyness - even with family members, so I guess she is feeling a bit insecure right now. Definitely, there have been more tears and more sobbing than is normal for Becca, and she needs extra hugs and attention.
Eletenement
This is Rebecca's word for elephant: Eletenement.
I know that Greg could have posted this in a really funny way, but we're so busy that I worried we might forget it - and it's so funny.
I know that Greg could have posted this in a really funny way, but we're so busy that I worried we might forget it - and it's so funny.
Monday, April 14, 2008
My version of events
I was getting ready to leave for work on Saturday morning. Due at work at 8am I was jogging out the door at around 7:35 or so. As I was tying my shoes Madeleine told me not to go to work, her water had broke.
We waited for reinforcements to arrive (the Paradis clan, Nanny, Grampa and auntie Liz). We headed to the hospital to get checked out. Depending on the results of some tests and the progress of the labor they were either going to send Madeleine home to wait for things to progress or check her in. Round about noon we were in an evaluation room and got the word that her contractions were coming along and we may as well get settled into the delivery room.
Madeleine was put on some oxytocin (after three or four tries to get a good vein) to help things along. If memory serves around 6:30 or so she examined and found to be ~3-4cm dilated. She was getting quite uncomfortable by this point, but the results of the examination meant she could get her epidural. She got her needle in the spine after a few tries (see a theme?). This was eagerly anticipated by this point, as she was having real trouble with the pain from the contractions. By 9pm she was 8 or 9cm dilated, and the doctor was called in for the final stages of delivery.
The pushing phase went MUCH more smoothly than last time around. At 10:20 Lucy was born.
As her head came out it became obvious that the umbilical cord was up around her neck, but there wasn't enough slack for the doctor to pull it up over her head. What this meant was that he had to clamp it and cut it, which of course cuts off the blood supply to the baby. He clamped the cord, cut it, and asked Madeleine for one big push and she came out pretty quickly. They rushed her across the room and huddled over her, clearing fluid out of her mouth. I got nervous when they started using a little mask and bulb to help her breathe. Madeleine asked why Lucy wasn't crying, and I was at a loss for words. Noone had said anything particularly soothing or encouraging after she came out, which worried me. All of a sudden the room seemed like it had filled up with people. I would learn later it was the fetal resuscitation unit. As they filed in though I heard a little cough, then another, then a little cry. Finally someone said that her heart rate was ok and people immediately started to melt away. All in all it was probably about a minute after the cord was clamped, but it seemed like forever. At this point a bell started going off and a page went out calling people to our room. This really drove home how concerned everyone was just a few seconds ago.
Lucy perked up within a minute or two and was moving and looking around, really very alert. Much more so than Rebecca.
A few minutes later things were tidied up and cleared away, and mom and baby had a nice little first feeding session, which went a lot better than last time around. It is really obvious that Lucy had a couple more weeks gestation than her bigger sister.
She's beautiful, and seems healthy, and cute as a button.
We waited for reinforcements to arrive (the Paradis clan, Nanny, Grampa and auntie Liz). We headed to the hospital to get checked out. Depending on the results of some tests and the progress of the labor they were either going to send Madeleine home to wait for things to progress or check her in. Round about noon we were in an evaluation room and got the word that her contractions were coming along and we may as well get settled into the delivery room.
Madeleine was put on some oxytocin (after three or four tries to get a good vein) to help things along. If memory serves around 6:30 or so she examined and found to be ~3-4cm dilated. She was getting quite uncomfortable by this point, but the results of the examination meant she could get her epidural. She got her needle in the spine after a few tries (see a theme?). This was eagerly anticipated by this point, as she was having real trouble with the pain from the contractions. By 9pm she was 8 or 9cm dilated, and the doctor was called in for the final stages of delivery.
The pushing phase went MUCH more smoothly than last time around. At 10:20 Lucy was born.
As her head came out it became obvious that the umbilical cord was up around her neck, but there wasn't enough slack for the doctor to pull it up over her head. What this meant was that he had to clamp it and cut it, which of course cuts off the blood supply to the baby. He clamped the cord, cut it, and asked Madeleine for one big push and she came out pretty quickly. They rushed her across the room and huddled over her, clearing fluid out of her mouth. I got nervous when they started using a little mask and bulb to help her breathe. Madeleine asked why Lucy wasn't crying, and I was at a loss for words. Noone had said anything particularly soothing or encouraging after she came out, which worried me. All of a sudden the room seemed like it had filled up with people. I would learn later it was the fetal resuscitation unit. As they filed in though I heard a little cough, then another, then a little cry. Finally someone said that her heart rate was ok and people immediately started to melt away. All in all it was probably about a minute after the cord was clamped, but it seemed like forever. At this point a bell started going off and a page went out calling people to our room. This really drove home how concerned everyone was just a few seconds ago.
Lucy perked up within a minute or two and was moving and looking around, really very alert. Much more so than Rebecca.
A few minutes later things were tidied up and cleared away, and mom and baby had a nice little first feeding session, which went a lot better than last time around. It is really obvious that Lucy had a couple more weeks gestation than her bigger sister.
She's beautiful, and seems healthy, and cute as a button.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
She's here!
She arrived on the 12th at 10:20pm or thereabouts, weighing in at 7 pounds 12 ounces and measuring around 52 cm. I'll leave the birth story details for later, as I'm due back at the hospital for dinner again (just came home for a shower and change of clothes).
She's lovely, and alert, and seems to be getting a much better hang of breastfeeding than big sister did. Even if that doesn't work out though, we're not stressing, look how Rebecca turned out! :)
She's lovely, and alert, and seems to be getting a much better hang of breastfeeding than big sister did. Even if that doesn't work out though, we're not stressing, look how Rebecca turned out! :)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Going to the hospital!
Well, my complaining is at an end - I broke my water this morning. I am not in labour yet though... The downside is that Greg will think his lame "weak amniotic sac" theory actually has some basis in reality. The upside - Lucy should be with us soon!!!
It's funny because yesterday was the most active kicking/punching/pushing day that Lucy has had in a dog's age and I was lamenting the fact that my pregnancy seemed to be progressing backwards.
Anyway, must run.
It's funny because yesterday was the most active kicking/punching/pushing day that Lucy has had in a dog's age and I was lamenting the fact that my pregnancy seemed to be progressing backwards.
Anyway, must run.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
37 week OB appointment
So, today was my first full-term OB appointment. I failed my initial blood pressure check (but not the retest) - the retest was still higher than average but normal. There was also protein in my urine sample, which can be indicative of toxemia/preeclampsia or other issues.
Because of the urine results, I was given a requisition for a battery of additional urine and blood tests - primarily to verify kidney function. It's precautionary, but I was also advised to try to get the test done today at a quick lab, in order that the results may come back before the end of the week.
I was so surprised by the urine results, that I completely forgot to ask about the results of my group B strep test, nor did I remember to ask for a medical note to put my gym membership on hold (even though I wrote this down in my planner, so as not to forget).
I am now measuring at 40 weeks (not the anticipated 39). I don't see how my uterus can get any bigger without breaking all my ribs and pulverizing my organs. Certainly, I have felt craptastic all day long. I had bajillions of Braxton-Hicks contractions this morning (spanning three hours or so), and have spent almost the entire afternoon uncomfortable due to Lucy's positioning.
On the positive side, my weight gain seems normal, and Lucy's position and heart rate are good. And of course, it is wonderful that Lucy won't be premature.
Someone in the clinic had their pager go off, and it got picked up by the doppler during the heart rate measurement. It was mildly amusing and made a funny sound.
Emotionally, this has been a challenging week because Rebecca has been teething heavily and her behaviour has at times been frustrating. I feel house-bound because I am so physically incapable of controlling her that attempts at other activities are too daunting and too risky. It is depressing, because taking care of Rebecca is really the only task I have some ability to accomplish these days. Oh, I can fill the time at home, but it gets tedious very quickly. Also, I have certain standards of parenting that I set for myself, and these are becoming unattainable. I am in Limbo, and I would like our new life to start. I would like to be released from my discomfort.
Because of the urine results, I was given a requisition for a battery of additional urine and blood tests - primarily to verify kidney function. It's precautionary, but I was also advised to try to get the test done today at a quick lab, in order that the results may come back before the end of the week.
I was so surprised by the urine results, that I completely forgot to ask about the results of my group B strep test, nor did I remember to ask for a medical note to put my gym membership on hold (even though I wrote this down in my planner, so as not to forget).
I am now measuring at 40 weeks (not the anticipated 39). I don't see how my uterus can get any bigger without breaking all my ribs and pulverizing my organs. Certainly, I have felt craptastic all day long. I had bajillions of Braxton-Hicks contractions this morning (spanning three hours or so), and have spent almost the entire afternoon uncomfortable due to Lucy's positioning.
On the positive side, my weight gain seems normal, and Lucy's position and heart rate are good. And of course, it is wonderful that Lucy won't be premature.
Someone in the clinic had their pager go off, and it got picked up by the doppler during the heart rate measurement. It was mildly amusing and made a funny sound.
Emotionally, this has been a challenging week because Rebecca has been teething heavily and her behaviour has at times been frustrating. I feel house-bound because I am so physically incapable of controlling her that attempts at other activities are too daunting and too risky. It is depressing, because taking care of Rebecca is really the only task I have some ability to accomplish these days. Oh, I can fill the time at home, but it gets tedious very quickly. Also, I have certain standards of parenting that I set for myself, and these are becoming unattainable. I am in Limbo, and I would like our new life to start. I would like to be released from my discomfort.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Uncharted territory
Well, tomorrow I am at full term (37 weeks), so unless Lucy appears in the next four hours, she is going to be my first non-premature baby. Maybe this means that certain things will be easier! Maybe I won't have to stay in the hospital so long, and maybe they won't force me to wake her up every two hours, and maybe she will have mastered the suck/swallow reflex properly. Who knows?!?!
Unfortunately, I am not convinced that this uncharted territory means my blog will be full of unique insights (as opposed to rewarmed thoughts from the last time). My big revelation this morning was that the combination of cankles and oedema make for easier (i.e. less bloody) leg shaving - none of those awkward little divets and angles.
To sum up: I am super-uncomfortable and I want this to be over. Handling my toddler is becoming exceptionally challenging when she chooses to be difficult. You don't realize how often you simply have to dominate them physically (not in a scary or nasty way - in a "let's be safe" way, or in a "despite your temper tantrum, it's nap time" way). It took me ten minutes to get Becca into her car seat this morning. By the end I was ready to cry and scream at the same time, and my back was killing me. My inability to exert physical control means that I am reluctant to do a lot of things with her that I would like to. It's o.k. if another adult is with me, but otherwise, it's no-go. The weather has been sunny and gorgeous, but I don't even dare take her to the park because if she's tired, or refuses to leave, and bribery fails, then I am screwed. And frankly, I wear out before she does. The same applies to any place she finds interesting or fascinating and does not involve a cart with a belt - museums, malls, fields etc. Grocery trips were o.k., but when she fights getting into the car seat, or into the cart, it is frustrating beyond belief. Things will be so busy once Lucy arrives, it would be nice to spend fun time with Rebecca now while I still can do so easily. And I don't want fun time to be exclusively indoors. Maybe I just have to be more realistic about my limitations.
Unfortunately, I am not convinced that this uncharted territory means my blog will be full of unique insights (as opposed to rewarmed thoughts from the last time). My big revelation this morning was that the combination of cankles and oedema make for easier (i.e. less bloody) leg shaving - none of those awkward little divets and angles.
To sum up: I am super-uncomfortable and I want this to be over. Handling my toddler is becoming exceptionally challenging when she chooses to be difficult. You don't realize how often you simply have to dominate them physically (not in a scary or nasty way - in a "let's be safe" way, or in a "despite your temper tantrum, it's nap time" way). It took me ten minutes to get Becca into her car seat this morning. By the end I was ready to cry and scream at the same time, and my back was killing me. My inability to exert physical control means that I am reluctant to do a lot of things with her that I would like to. It's o.k. if another adult is with me, but otherwise, it's no-go. The weather has been sunny and gorgeous, but I don't even dare take her to the park because if she's tired, or refuses to leave, and bribery fails, then I am screwed. And frankly, I wear out before she does. The same applies to any place she finds interesting or fascinating and does not involve a cart with a belt - museums, malls, fields etc. Grocery trips were o.k., but when she fights getting into the car seat, or into the cart, it is frustrating beyond belief. Things will be so busy once Lucy arrives, it would be nice to spend fun time with Rebecca now while I still can do so easily. And I don't want fun time to be exclusively indoors. Maybe I just have to be more realistic about my limitations.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Goodbye boring ticker
I am officially removing the floating baby ticker. It doesn't do anything, and really hasn't been entertaining for months now.
Clean my fingers!
Rebecca's got two fully formed sentences that she uses regularly now.
Sentence #1 is from Dora: "There he is!" or, alternately "There it is!"
Sentence #2 is much more interesting: "Clean my fingers!" or, as we've heard once "Clean my fingers please!"
The reason #2 is so cool is that it's something we've never said to Rebecca. I've never asked her to clean my fingers, obviously. So that means she knows the meaning of all three words, and has put them together correctly.
I'm anticipating taking dictation of the first chapter of her first novel soon. (She still doesn't know how to type yet.)
Sentence #1 is from Dora: "There he is!" or, alternately "There it is!"
Sentence #2 is much more interesting: "Clean my fingers!" or, as we've heard once "Clean my fingers please!"
The reason #2 is so cool is that it's something we've never said to Rebecca. I've never asked her to clean my fingers, obviously. So that means she knows the meaning of all three words, and has put them together correctly.
I'm anticipating taking dictation of the first chapter of her first novel soon. (She still doesn't know how to type yet.)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
36 week OB appointment
I had my 36 week OB appointment today. When I was pregnant with Rebecca, this was the last appointment I ever had. So, if I make it to 37 weeks gestation, everything will be a new experience for me (which is strange to contemplate when I feel like an old hand at this pregnancy thing). My blood pressure and urine tests were fine. I am weighing in at a ghastly 211 lbs. Yikes. However, it seems to be due (in large part) to a big increase in my edema over the past few weeks. This is completely normal and expected, and since my urine and blood pressure are fine, it is nothing to be concerned about. It does mean that I have cankles, but this is not terribly distressing since: (1) I know how fast they go away, (2) there is still considerable snow in the yard, (3) there is no pathological reason for it. I had my Group B strep test - about as comfortable as I remembered, but better than the postnatal 6 week internal. Actually, lying down on the examination table and getting off it again were arguably more painful than having a foot long q-tip take an exploratory journey into places I can only presume exist, because they are otherwise obstructed from view by a massive belly. Phew. Also, did not pee on my hand when collecting urine sample today - I am so proud. I am still measuring two weeks ahead - since this has consistently been the case for 11 weeks now, I no longer think it would be reasonable to chalk it up to instrumental error. Also, as I mentioned before, this is exactly what happened with Rebecca. My OB joined me in wishing that my body has the wisdom to expel this baby sooner rather than later since we are looking at another big baby, and I am in considerable discomfort. He said that if I haven't had the baby by my next appointment (37 weeks), then we will go for another ultrasound. I am presuming that the purpose of this would be to get another read on the baby's size - I am also hoping this means that if it looks mega-macro, we might have a discussion about induction or other interventions of some sort.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Home from work now!
I am now at home! It's wonderful - I am 100% more comfortable being able to lie down whenever I need to, and I can wear my baggiest, trashiest maternity wear. This has already paid off.
Clearly though, I have lost the baby pool as we are now in April and there is no Lucy. So - it will be for someone else to win the prize. My belly doesn't look like it will last to mid-April... it seems to be expanding horizontally now.
I have been wondering whether the baby has dropped, because I have had a serious increase in the edema in my legs, and a dramatic drop in heartburn. I will have to see what the obstetrician says tomorrow.
In other good news - I was excused from jury duty!
Clearly though, I have lost the baby pool as we are now in April and there is no Lucy. So - it will be for someone else to win the prize. My belly doesn't look like it will last to mid-April... it seems to be expanding horizontally now.
I have been wondering whether the baby has dropped, because I have had a serious increase in the edema in my legs, and a dramatic drop in heartburn. I will have to see what the obstetrician says tomorrow.
In other good news - I was excused from jury duty!
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