Monday, January 30, 2006

throwing in the towel

i am giving up on breastfeeding. things have just gotten worse for a variety of reasons and now it's ridiculous - i am compromising my own sanity etc. i reached the end of my rope. i mean i had to get rx angina meds to manage the pain because i have raynauds of the nipple, now i have a candida infection in the same location, i have had clogged ducts three times, and the flow is so fast on one side that even if i have a perfect latch, rebecca will use her tongue to squash things because she is choking on the milk so the only way to feed her on that side is to have her sitting up so i have to support her head and body and hold up my size EE boob. i know that with practice patience and time i could make it work but i am making myself miserable in the process. i feel it has become an unhealthy obsession and i am not enjoying my daughter fully as a result. i am afraid people will judge me, and i hate to fail at things, and most of all i was afraid rebecca would not love me as much, but it's irrational and i know it. i was living in fear of each feeding and the pain it engendered. i would have a big cry every two days and was not eating or sleeping right because i didn't have time.
i think i have done what is best but i still feel guilty.


Anonymous said...

Dis-toi au moins que tu as essaye. Tout ce que tu lui a donne lui sera benefique.
C'est preferable d'avoir une maman en sante que de se nourrir au sein d'une maman qui se rend malade a force d'essayer.
Tu as pris la meilleure decision pour toi et pour ta fille.

Anonymous said...

I was about to comment but I see that Annie has said exactly what I was going to. BUt when one feels guilty it's always good to hear reasurance as often as possible.

You made the right decision, the best decision for both of you.